What do you think about people counting and complaining about their wedding gifts?

The day after their wedding, my brother and his new wife sat down and went through all their wedding gifts/cards and compared them with the guest list.





They basically made note of what everyone gave (for thank you cards).





Since then, they have been talking to us (immediate family: me, my sis, dad, mom, etc.) and complaining about supposedly "cheap people" who didn't give them a gift or who gave only $50, (our cousin, for example) etc.





What do you think about that? Is that kind of behavior normal, acceptable and generally expected, or is that totally ridiculous and rude? Something in between?





Thanks!

What do you think about people counting and complaining about their wedding gifts?
Totally ridiculous and rude. This is extremely uncouth behavior, and if they want to discuss this, they should keep it to themselves.





While it is customary for an invited guest to give a gift, it is by no means obligatory. There are some commonly accepted etiquette guidelines for gift giving, but that is another topic.
Reply:Whoa, this is exactly what my sis-in-law and brother did. She complained about how cheap some friends are and how they should be giving more because they are rich. Rich or not, they have no right to complain especially to anymone other than between themselves. I found it very off-putting. Report It

Reply:I think it is totally sad. When me and my fella got married, we didn't do a gift list at all. In fact, the best gift folks could bestow upon us was their presence on our special day and their happiest wishes for our future together!
Reply:I think that they are very ungrateful. WOW did they at least send a thank you note to EVERYONE that got them a gift? Materialism is the word that comes to mind.
Reply:That is just rude unacceptable behavior. I think they are being ungreatful. They are not appreciating what they got. At least they should be glad that they got something and people at their wedding.
Reply:I think it is ridiculous and rude. It is not the guests' choice of whether or not the wedding would be expensive. When I was planning for my wedding I knew that I couldn't depend on the gifts from the guests to help pay off the wedding. I accepted whatever they gave to me with no complain whatsoever. The guests took the time from their daily schedule to attend the wedding. They also took the time to pick the gifts. $50.00 is a good amount to me.
Reply:That is terrible.
Reply:The gifts ANY couple receive should be a private matter-not discussed with anybody else. And further more, when did a wedding invitation specify that $xxxx should be spent on a gift? Shouldn't a gift be given out of someone's heart and not of what's in your pocketbook? Obligation to give me a gift so yo ucan witness my day?





I was quite thankful for the friends %26amp; family who shared our day with us. That was gift enough for us! We received an array of gifts and monetary gifts that fit the budgets of our guests-but that was a secondary issue! In fact, it took us 3 days to get around to opening envelopes. We had family in town and it was more important to spend the few days with them.





I agree that someone said that weddings are getting ridiculous lately. It always seems to be a 'one ups-manship' on who gets bigger or better gifts. Shame on your brother and his wife. I hope you told them how rude they were being. They don;t deserve anything!
Reply:They should be taken out back and shot.
Reply:Edited to add: Yes, they have a point about the standard protocol for wedding gifts ~ if someone says 'how much should I spend' the standard answer is 'the cost of your meal (usually about $50)'. BUT, that is for people who wish to follow the protocol and who can afford to do so ... It still remains that a gift is a gift, and sometimes it takes generosity to receive as well as to give :-)





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Weddings are getting so out of hand. People spend such huge amounts on the wedding, and then feel cheated if their guests don't come up with a gift which is expensive enough to impress them.





I'm sorry, in my own view, your brother and his wife are being very rude and inconsiderate.





Did they get married for their future or for the gifts?





While it is true that some people are cheapskates when it comes to giving, so what? No-one has the right to 'expect' a gift anyway, and there could be many reasons why a smaller amount has been spent.





If in doubt, consider this ~ what would people like your cousin think if they heard your brother and his wife make these comments? Would they be glad they went to the trouble of giving a gift? Would they feel they should give another?





Being grasping in this way is just as bad as being a cheapskate. Worse perhaps, because our ability to give more or less varies over time, but a mean nature rarely changes.





Best wishes to you :-)
Reply:Well, you say that they complained to their immediate family and everyone is entitled to release their frustration. I wouldnt say that they were rude because they just complained to you.


I am assuming they sent thank you cards to everyone...


I wouldnt call them rude, if they know the person can afford to give you more. Wedding is once in a life time event and is very special and personal, one would feel hurt and dissapointed if he or she receives less than what they deserve. We, for example, got $5 from someone and felt really embarassed. Its almost like " do you really think that we are worth to you only 5$?" there were some people who came to our wedding without gifts (they were financially broke) but they sang a song or played a music for us - that made us happy, not dissapointed.
Reply:their spolied ungrateful brats. i gove according to my means. be it a bag of farm fresh pistachios or some gifts cards to a resutant or shop. sometimes i find nice things used and re-pack them. and i tell the truth where i got it from and im not embarrased. if they dont like it, then up theirs! yay!
Reply:ungrateful. There lucky people even went and better yet gave a gift.