How do you feel about non custodial parent's not allowing the child to take home their gifts?

Should the non custodial parent allow their child to take home the gifts that they give them for Christmas and Birthdays? Or should the gifts stay at the non custodial parents home for when the child visits? The child visits every other weekend. Right or wrong? What do you think?

How do you feel about non custodial parent's not allowing the child to take home their gifts?
they go wherever the child wants
Reply:Let the non custodial parent explain it to the kids. It is fair that they want some (or all) of the gifts they gave to stay at their house so the kid has stuff there to make it feel more like their home. My kids never bring gifts back from Dad's. It might be hard to leave new toys behind, but they really do need toys there and he won't let them bring toys from home. There is no right or wrong here. It is a matter of opinion and perspective. If the kids feel strongly, maybe they can discuss it with the other parent. I'm sure they have plenty of toys at the custodial parents house and this isn't one of those arguments worth having.
Reply:I think the child should be able to take them where they want.
Reply:Custody situations are always tricky. I wouldn't mention it unless the child is unhappy with it. Then broach the subject with the other adult. It sounds to me like the other parent just wants there to be a special reason the child comes. Something to look forward to when it's time to visit. Chose your battles wisely, you need to maintain as healthy a relationship as possible with the other parent for the childs sake.
Reply:I don't believe that a child should be "banned" from taking gifts home, but I can see why an NCP would "gently encourage" the child to leave some/all of the gifts there...that way there will be toys for her/him to play with at the next visit. CPs can help drive this point home without making an NCP feel cheap or controlling.
Reply:When I had a step son, I let him take home some big gifts he got, that I thought he'd play with a lot. I kept some with us so he'd have some to play with when he visited. Later he took those home as well. I bought his gifts with all of this in mind. I found later than some of his gifts I should have left at my home, for instance, I bought him a train set, and figured his step dad could help him put it together, but found out they didn't know how. I had to show them how to do it and I am a female. Good thing I had brothers or he'd have had a gift he wouldn't have played with. He did tell me they threw it out though because they couldn't figure it out even after I showed them.
Reply:It really should be up to the child. In my case, clothes received at dad's house are left there. I don't send a suitcase with them because I don't want the hassle of packing and then doing a bunch of laundry when they return. It's just easier for me. Other than that, they bring home what they want to.





If this separation is fairly new, give it some time. The whole "her gifts" and "his gifts" thing wears off after a couple of years for most. At least that's how it's been for me and others I know in the same boat.
Reply:i would talk to your ex and have them explain it to them why they can;t take it home with them. maybe if they promise to bring it back with them . will they let them.
Reply:a gift is something to give. If they buy a gift they should buy two, one for their home and one for yours. That's what my mother in law does. It's not right whats the point, the child will only play with it when they go there and it's probably not most of the time, so the child will end up growing out of the toys age and wasted money.
Reply:I am really torn on this subject myself, as I have seen both sides of this subject.





I am divorced and my ex only see's my son about 3-4 times a year. He lets my son bring home some gifts, but makes him keep others there. Thing is, by the time my ex decides to exercise another visitation, my son may not want to play with these toys anymore, if it is clothes they may not fit anymore, and if it was a movie, it is possible that he would recieve the same movie from me and my husband or my family. If he saw my son every other weekend, or even once a month, then it would be good to give the kid something to keep at his house to play with.





Now, with my stepkids, we let them take all their stuff home last year. I had asked my oldest stepdaugher if she was allowed to wear any type of make up, like lip gloss or light eyeshadows. She told me yes, as long as it wasn't thick or caked on, or dark. So I bought her a little makeup kit that had different colors of glitter lip gloss and some light brown and pink eyeshadow in it. I asked her dad, my husband, before I did this, to make sure he had no problem with it. Well, we found out that her mom and stepdad threw it in the trash. So the money I spent, getting her something I thought was innocent and something that she would enjoy, got thrown away. I also spent alot of money buying her a scrapbook and scrapbooking supplies, and found out that she hasn't done anything with it, cause she says that she is too busy at her moms. If I had kept it here, it would be something that she and I could have done together on my hubbys weekends. So this year, we decided that we are going to pick a few things for them to take home and a few to leave here, that way if there are gifts that for whatever reason their mom would not approve of, we dont have to worry that she will trash them, or that they would be put away and never used. I just don't want to feel that mine and my husbands hard earned money has been for nothing, if gifts never get used or get thrown away.





We also want to keep some here, because the kids mom and stepdad will not let them bring anything to our house except clothes. So, in order for them to have stuff to play with or books to read, I think we need to keep a few things here.
Reply:That should be left up to the child (if old enough to talk).





It's a gift to "him" not to the "non-custodial paren'ts home".





If the non-custodial parent wants to buy toys and such for use at his/her home...they should not be given as gifts.
Reply:I think that is WRONG! You want to think about what makes the kid happy. It's one thing to suggest that perhaps a chid leave a few things there for when they come over, but to forbid them taking it is mean and selfish.
Reply:The gifts belong to the child, not to the giver. It's different if you have clothes at your house for the child, but toys are meant to be played with, and should go with the child. The parents should be mature enough to send the toys and etc.with the child coming and going. Giving a child a toy, then taking it away is just mean. I've been on both sides of the fence with my husband's daughter, as a non-custodial, we always sent them. As a custodial, her mom kept them. It was very hard on our daughter trying to understand what she'd done to lose her gifts.
Reply:When you give a gift its to be used, enjoyed and done with ....what the receiver chooses to do with it. I think I would need more info then whats given to make a judgment call as to right or wrong. Like is it a case if its taken home its not taken care of properly? Or, is it a case, when the child goes back there is nothing there to play with? Or is it a parent trying to be a control freak and thinking if the toy is left there, the child will be anxious to return? Need more info.
Reply:Oh come on! Doesn't your kid have enough toys at your house? S/he needs something to play with at Daddy's, too, and shouldn't Daddy get the privilege of seeing his child enjoy the gifts he bought?
Reply:It is not uncommon for the gifts to be left at the non custodial parents house. If the relationship between the parents is not good I think it is even more common. I don't know if it right or wrong.
Reply:You buy special gifts for the child to take "home" like drums, anything noisy or messy. You tell the child those are to take "home" and the others stay at your house.
Reply:The child should have them wherever they go. I don't see why they wouldn't. Seems to me that this decision to leave them at the other parents is fuelled by anger and the need to hurt the other person by punishing them. At the end of the day it's the child that will be losing out. They have a right to keep presents given to them by the other parent, just b/c they don't live with them doesn't mean they are not their parent.
Reply:That depends on the family. If the kids have toys and things at home then there really is no need to add to the clutter there, this way they will have things to keep them busy when they are on visitations. There is no right or wrong.